safe

I got my parts!!!!!
I'm Arabian lead and Mouse Queen, haha, I'm so excited and rehearsals start this coming week. I've never done Arabian before but I've always wanted to. You have to be super-flexible, so this makes me feel like my flexibility must have really improved over time, since it used to be one of my big weaknesses. I'm proud of myself.

My computer didn't work for the past week-ish, so that's why I haven't posted. It works now, so I'll be on more. Except that this weekend I'm going on a trip with my non-boyfriend (oooohhhh I'm nervous). I feel a little weird about getting this involved with someone, but whatever. I like it. I like him.

Other than that, I feel super-bloated because I just drank iced coffee really fast. Haha.

I went to my doctor the other day to get my prescriptions refilled, and I've lost 3 more pounds so I got in big trouble. I don't know what to do, really. I wish I could change, but I don't know how.

I auditioned this morning, and I think I should know the results by Tuesday. I think I did well! I am a little out of shape from being away all summer, but I did try to stretch when I was IP (though I wasn't supposed to--haha), and I was proud of myself for doing okay even after a break. I'm excited !!!!! All I want is to start rehearsals. Usually I can pretty much tell who's going to get what part, but this year I'm not sure because for every part, there are three or four people who could be great. D and L were in my group for auditions. They know where I was, but they didn't say anything. I feel out of the loop of studio politics. I don't know who went where over the summer, and who got moved up. Except I know D is now in my level and she was in the level below last year. So I'll have all my classes with her, yay.

I've been seeing a guy for the past few weeks. I really like him; it's kind of intense how fast we've gotten to know each other, which I know can be a bad thing. I'm trying to be careful but it seems like everything about him is good for me and we get along really well and have a lot of fun. Tonight we went out out for the first time--usually we just hang out at his place. We drank Sangria and had Mexican food. Well. He got a meal and I had some rice. It was late enough that it wasn't really dinnertime anymore. around 9. So it wasn't awkward not to order anything big.

He helps me. He knows I have an eating disorder and we've talked about it a lot. He's really nonjudgmental and offers to eat with me, and asks me what my safe things are and bought them for his fridge. I like him. He's dropping me off downtown tomorrow morning, which I feel a little weird about, because we just saw each other tonight. But he has to work right near the bookstore I need to go to, so it makes sense for us to go together, especially since I don't have a car. I'm trying to be careful! I'm trying not to do anything too fast because I don't know if it's a good idea to be in a relationship when I am sick. I don't know. I'm nervous.

oh yes, and I am auditioning for the Nutcracker this weekend. I want to be Sugarplum Fairy or some other lead, so everyone wish me luck!

ugh i wish i had a phone/computer. i want to get in touch with my male friends who will inevitably make me feel better when i cook them dinner.

This is my first entry. I'm young. I want to be a professional dancer, but I probably won't because nobody really does. I have an eating disorder. I just got out of an ED treatment center in Philadelphia. I did so well in there, but out here I'm not doing well at all. I don't have many friends; I want a new roommate, I want a new kitten, I want a new life. I've been seriously mistreated by more than one person. I know how to make creme brulee and many other delicacies. I don't know how to make friends so I turn to the internet! yay. I am very nice. I am a clean freak. I am a perfectionist. But I am very nice. That's all I guess. I love you, whoever you are.